Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money

Fav 3 1244 845
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(501): View more from Arkansas

i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

Fav 31 1682 4500
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(540): View more from Virginia

I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

Fav 45 11436 3012
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(409): View more from Texas

just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome

Fav 4 1759 2495
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(316): View more from Kansas

If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

Fav 13 3143 1259
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(907): View more from Alaska

i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.

Fav 5 1856 784
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(520): View more from Arizona

U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru

Fav 3 904 1551
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(785): View more from Kansas

Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.

Fav 4 509 1025
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(519): View more from Ontario

Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?

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