you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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