If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
