Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
