He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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