epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need water and some morals
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
