kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
