no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
