I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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