dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
