I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
