We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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