you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
