hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
