Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
