You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
