I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
