the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
