I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
