I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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