I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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