you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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