im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
