i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
