come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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