my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize