there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
