I think my fart just growled at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
