A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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