Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
