oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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