Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
