Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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