He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
