I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
