There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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