I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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