Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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