Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
