Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
