I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
3 2 1 whiskey
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
