thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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