dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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