i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
