Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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