i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
