I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
