Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
