the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
