new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
