piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
