literally had 100 drinks last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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