So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
