I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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