I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
