You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
