He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did I show you my penis last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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