Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize