he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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