youre lurking in front of me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
where am i from again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
