I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
