i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
