we have pet lesbian snakes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
