she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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