oh god the rape fog is back!
You smell like stripper and shame
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
