I faked an abortion last night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
